I realised today that I have tried to fix something that might not be for me to fix it. I have wanted to influence the direction of this chariot without recognising that I'm not the only one in the driver's seat. I've been trying to make the chariot move forward, but if I give up the handle, I know it will go his way. And I would like to be in a situation in which, no matter what, I know the chariot keeps going forward instead of leaning to the right or to the left, even when I fall asleep. Now, I might well have to step down from the chariot and, most of all, I might need to be brave enough to face that I may end up walking my way out alone.
A part of our job as parents, and grown ups as a whole, is to prepare our young ones as best as possible for the life and times in the big wide world. Instinctively we want to protect our kids from discomfort, hurt, hardship and anything else we perceive as less than awesome. Unfortunately, this is not only impossible but also pretty unhelpful and certainly not doing anybody any favours. Building small humans into healthy, thriving big ones isn’t about clearing adversity out of their way. A healthy dose of reality and a touch of stress is life-giving and helps them to develop the skills they need to flourish. Strengthening them towards healthy living is about nurturing within them the strategies to deal with that adversity. Here’s a few thoughts on the how’s.
I was recently gifted with the book "Prescriptions from Dr Love", written by Dr Suzy Al Mushcab, a former medical doctor who decided to become a Ayurvedic lifestyle instructor and a NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) practitioner. In a nutshell, this book is about the journey of a patient towards good health, greater happiness, and wellbeing. This blog post is a sincere review of the book.
Once I let go all the expectations and opted for living a simpler life, my panic attacks disappeared almost immediately. Today, anxiety may kick in more harshly sometimes but when that happens I remind myself that life is far more precious than any first world problem. I remind myself that I’m only human and that I must give myself permission to just be that - human.
Today, I try to do things differently. I try to be more responsible for myself and my relationships. No, I wouldn’t like to repair any relationship from the past, because I had very little to do with them in the first place. I would actually force myself into relating to people as they appeared in my life because I thought I had no choice. I let myself be trapped by the idea that I had to open my door to anyone who showed up at my doorstep. I thought I had to be complacent with people’s behaviour, even if that meant to be under emotional abuse. I could have, however, done better.
Our wounds are important to achieve a better version of ourselves, which otherwise would never be born or see the daylight. Yes, a wound is more than the pain it inflicts. A wound is a sign that you lived and that you are still part of the school of life. Now it’s time to treat your older wounds, so you can advance further in your life education - there is so much more to learn.
Disclaimer: This is a chapter of a new book I'm working on. I'm writing as much as I can everyday for about an 1h and I decided to share the unedited versions here on the blog. If you're on Twitter and you need motivation to write, I'm hosting a virtual writing session (#ShutUpAndWriteTwitter) from Monday to Friday at 10pm, London time.
the reason why so many of us have 'meltdown' experiences nowadays is exactly because we lead our lives without mindfulness, without conscious awareness. We are 'set up' to rush through life, because time is money and the world doesn't wait for you. These are common beliefs that subconsciously mine our attempts of living a fulfilling and meaningful life. We may say that we don't think this way but we were led to believe that it's how life and others work. Therefore, the first thing to do when having a meltdown is to slow down or even freeze in time, so we can reconnect ourselves. In fewer words, the first thing to do is to become mindful. Now don't think I'm recommending you to go open a mobile app or listen to a guided mindfulness meditation. I'm talking about becoming mindful, aware, conscious, by taking a couple of deep breaths, relaxing your shoulders and your stomach area. I'm talking about of reminding yourself that you're only human, a living, breathing organism who has the power to step back and connect with the best part of you once again.
A few weeks ago, BuyWholeFoodsOnline.co.uk kindly gifted us with a marvellous box of healthy goodies and challenged us to create two new recipes with their ingredients. I love food as much as I love writing so I didn't have to think twice, but I still was very surprised by the great variety of whole foods they have available through their online store, which turns healthy cooking and baking much easier. Who hasn't already struggled to find high-quality super-foods? I always struggled to find vegan alternatives to adapt recipes and now we can find what we are looking for using BuyWholeFoodsOnline.co.uk search bar!
I never thought I would be one day crying over this, but I am. I can't quite tell if I feel sorry for us, for me, or for him. I think I feel sorry for the fact I once got myself so deep into it. And I feel sorry for him because I feel he's now gradually walking the same path that transformed me into a two-leg monster. And perhaps I feel sorry for us, since I'm not sure if we're supposed to survive together.
I'm writing directly to let you know that from April onwards I will be hosting a free Wellbeing Training by e-mail. This will happen on a monthly basis and I will be addressing a different topic each month from a Psychology's point of view. April's module is about Creativity and it will be sent out on April 1st by 9:15pm, London time. If you want to receive this and all the other modules, all you have to do is to subscribe to my mailing list.
To reach the point in which you decide to reinvent your life though, you have to become aware of the little signs that life gives you to let you know that something is wrong, that you are out of sync with yourself. I consciously or unconsciously chose to ignore these signs as I already told you. That brought me negative consequences. Besides destroying both my physical and mental health to a point of almost no return, I also failed to be the best version of myself. I failed to be fully present to those who love me and I failed to develop new positive relationships. So to help you make an assessment and bring you some awareness to the signs that are supposed to warn and make us choose better options in life, here are eight aspects or symptoms that you may be experiencing.
I really do love blogging but I love my ethics more. I'm not here to promote products or anything else for the sake of money. If you read my post about feedback, you know that at this stage in life I'm pretty much unemployed and searching for happiness after getting and living burned out for more than three years. I can't embark, however, on a journey of money making through blogging. Yes, it seems we are growing and it is my dream to reach people through writing. It is my dream to empower people who struggle with similar or even the same problems I do. I don't want that to come true though at the expense of my values and vision.
Based on the river banks of the Danube in the South East of Romania, Yandra values and respects nature while also crafting luxurious products in their farm. Their secret ingredient is Damask rose buds which are obtained from their own roses. Besides offering high quality teas, Yandra has also introduced a new Rose Syrup in the market which is 100% natural and vegan friendly. As if all this wasn't enough to convince me, Yandra has not only the concern of building sustainable partnerships, but also the organisational culture of giving back to the community as a way to counteract poverty and inequality.
A good coach knows that human motivation is precious and fragile. A good coach will let you know what needs improvement, but a good coach will also know how to conduct his or her speech so that you never feel powerless, disempowered, or discouraged. On a personal note, I do think that if we worked this skill in ourselves, we would all be much better friends and partners. It doesn't mean that people who don't know how to give feedback don't love us, but we would have better relationships and we wouldn't probably struggle so much with anxiety, stress, and depression in general. Sometimes, the difference between a smile and a tear is someone's words of encouragement.
All in all, I'm happier than I have ever been since I left Lisbon in September 2015. I'm happier because even though I don't have the mind, the body, the energy, and the safety of a standard plan I have my dreams and I shamelessly know what I stand for. I know myself a bit more and I'm no longer afraid of being different. I'm no longer afraid of doing and wanting to trek a different road.
Afterwards, the bug and I remained in silence for a long time and I felt warm tears rolling down my face. There was a willing to fight them back and to deny the bug's words, because those words were the truth I didn't want to accept. I thought that accepting them meant having to hate myself for not being rational enough. The thing is that love is not rational, it just is... and the bug of emptiness comes in to tell us every now and then that we are missing in Love so that we can ease up our heart and let it be true to itself.
Mercury is currently in the sign of Pisces, the energy of dreams, visions and creativity. As the Mercury retrograde expresses itself, it reflects the emotional, intuitive energy of Pisces; listen to it! Listen to your intuition at this time; listen to your inner voice and the messages coming from your spirit. You may receive visions or omens from the divine sending you warning signals; pay attention to these.
So I would like to leave you with this question: is he or she worth your blank future? You know, time is passing by and we compromise our future when we cling onto people who will never come back and be our person. Yes, it takes time to heal, I'm all for that, but it also takes a shift in perspective. Think about it. Are you waiting on potential and cuteness, or are you creating sustainability in your life? Baby boys and baby girls can't really play the game you have been wishing for.
Writing for me is to step into a sacred space. It's the entrance to my inner-being without dismissing my connection to every other human being. It's a portal to a world where all emotions co-exist freely and where there are no harsh rules shaping their expression. Hence, writing is my way to connect with life, because when I write I dive deep into humanity's heart. When I write, I do not only exist. I am one with myself and with the world. I am.
It's time to wake up and stop tolerating the idea that "it's life" and that there is nothing we can do about it. It's time to stop the disempowerment of people who probably grew up believing that there was something really wrong with their brains and way of responding to life. I have been one of those too. The ugly truth is that we, as human beings, have been evolving in a climate of uncertainty and mechanists. Many of us were told that it is wrong to feel sad or angry. Many of us were told that it is wrong to be you, because being you means being an overload of many different things at the same time and the system doesn't like that. The system likes us to be who they want us to be, obeying sheep.
My research on Mindfulness and profound attraction for uncomfortable questions led me to learn about Buddhism. I studied the work of some ancient and contemporanean monks and I read about different approaches within Buddhism. I grew fond of Buddhism and its ideas about the mind, the human suffering, and the pathway to enlightenment. Yet I never felt like saying "I'm Buddhist". One day, I had plenty of time and I visited the Gatwick's Airport chapel. The room was empty and that was a relief. I sat down and I closed my eyes. After a while, a man, a priest I suppose, materialised himself in the room and he asked what Religion did I follow. I answered I was into Buddhism to what he stated "So you're a Buddhist". I couldn't tell him yes. I was interested in Buddhism, I still am, but I can't claim I'm a Buddhist, so all I could reply was "Well, sort of... not exactly".
I'm learning to love myself more each day so I can also love you more. I still don't like corridor small-talk and I never will, I think. However, I don't judge or hate the portion of women who like it, because I don't like to be judged for being different either. I don't like to feel that the way I am is wrong and I don't want to make someone else feel that way just because their way of being is different from mine. Today I choose to celebrate female diversity and I choose to respect each one of us by respecting myself first - I'm a badass mystic nurturer and there is nothing wrong with that!
I know what you are thinking. I already have the answers within me. I'm fighting them really hard due to my own pride and fear. I'm battling with my own brain and heart. I'm trying to erase flashbacks and I'm telling myself to hold on strongly to the "right path", the path of loving those who love you and not looking for those who don't. This reminds me somehow of Conan Osiris' Eurovision 2019 song. I sent the arrow. I broke the phone. And yet there is longing beyond logic. It didn't die, it keeps mysteriously alive. Perhaps it's not the longing for someone who is gone but rather the longing for something I knew to be close to my beloved.
The hard fact is that I'm only one person and a business has a lot of different aspects that need to be taken care of. If I'm busy manufacturing, I can't be at the same time looking after marketing or taking care of admin details. If I'm working my way through products, I can't be working on my services. Embracing this process with mindfulness has made me more patient with myself and my progress.
I'm enjoying the simplicity of being and reconnecting with what moves me as a person. I'm happier outside the standard system and it's true too that I'm only taking the first steps. I will have to battle hard to make my way viable and sustainable, but I' sure I won't be wasting away the best of me like I did for so many years. I don't think our way in life is supposed to be one of suffering and illness. I believe our way in life must be one of happiness, grace, and compassion. That's why I'm changing my life, one step at a time. I want to live more aligned with who I am and what I love. I want to cherish the people I meet and the experiences I get to live on this journey to happiness and beyond.
Sitting down in from of my laptop and writing is like coming home. Reading your experiences and learning about your point of views is even greater. I feel I have grown and I have matured in a way that wouldn't be possible if I hadn't started this blog. I hope you and I can keep growing together. I hope I can keep reading your stories and I hope you can keep reading mine. I hope we can keep this sacred space between us.
For me finding myself has been more about self-acceptance and self-worth than actually finding out what makes me temporarily happy or entertained or contented. I wanted to publish a book about happiness this March and while I was trying to edit it I realised I couldn't do it, I couldn't finish it before finding myself and making myself happy. But guess what, there is nothing out there that will tell me who I am and there is nothing out there that will keep me happy forever and ever. So why keep following carrots in a stick when we were born farmers?
You are not mentally ill because you are depressed, anxious, or stressed. Moreover, the argument that such experiences are due to an "unbalanced serotonin" alchemy is nothing more than a lie that pharmaceutical industry and well-paid scientists keep telling. That's another reason why I became disenchanted about the work I do; more often than not I see money being spent incorrectly and data-driven stories being severely edited so they can lead to more and bigger research grants. The lie about antidepressants, for instances, is just an example of one of those lies that became true to the extent that today many people attach themselves to the story of being mentally ill and to the need of swallowing higher and higher doses of antidepressants. That's how they have been conditioned to see and think about their subjective experiences, while a few people get richer and secure their jobs on and on.
As I promised on my instagram this week and as I mentioned on one of my previous posts, I'm sharing here today a different version of a vegetarian meal from my cooking e-book "Healthy Recipes for Wellbeing". You can have it for free if you download my Free Wellbeing Kit, which contains a few more goodies to support you on your wellbeing journey.
Life is always easier if we tell the truth. I don't say it is not scary or hard-working. We often don't say the truth because our ego thinks we need to show up strong and put together. We believe we are supposed to be tough because that's what everyone tells us. I now find that telling the truth is a greater sign of strength. To stand up naked in the world with your heart on the table requires you to surrender to the uncertain, to the unknown... but it also blesses you with a greater easiness, with a higher dose of inner peace.
While I was scrolling, a young girl with a huge backpack sat next to me. She seemed so young, wild and free. She was everything opposite to what I am feeling - old, grumpy, and locked. She reminded me of all the craziness I haven't done yet. I have been so politically correct, so eager to do things right and obey to what I think it is expected of me. I made myself a prisoner of life when life is too precious to go through it as a prisoner. This girl gave me courage to go back to those thoughts that have been secretly hidden at the back of my drawers.
When I realised there were no buses or trains to Canterbury by the time I would arrive to Gatwick, I felt very pleased with my decision of returning to Lisbon. No, I'm not in Lisbon right now, I just arrived to Gatwick's airport where I will spend the night until the next available train to the end of the world. Lucky me I get to experience one of those British movie scenes in which someone leaves an unattended bag in a seat and there are at least five people from security looking at the bag and whispering "don't touch it". Exciting times.
I used to say I was going to England with a secret research agenda. I guess I lost sight of that because I tried to fit in. My interest in mindfulness was in its capacity to increase our level of awareness and therefore expand our human consciousness. When we expand our consciousness, we do start to tap into much subtler energy fields.
I wanted to briefly say what has been going on and what is the current state of life on this side of the screen. I started adding "PS's" one after another on my last blog post and each one of them were getting bigger and bigger so I decided the best thing to do was to copy/paste all the information and create a new post for it. So, simply put, that's what this post will be about... a life update after my anger bursts.
I don't know exactly what will follow, but I do know that I'm going to do a conscious effort to apply this thinking. It made me feel more deeply how life without Love is a living Hell and how we should care more about each other. When there isn't Love, there isn't a reason to smile and maybe our modern problem is exactly the absence, the lack, and misuse of Love.
I honestly haven't figured out this charade. I know though that there is this anger growing and growing inside me and I'm not stopping it. I won't hide it. And maybe that's what I need to do differently this time. Maybe for once I need to be and express anger as that's how people seem to stop and listen to what I have to say. Maybe I really have to let them know how they hurt me without thinking about how they will feel afterwards. Maybe I do have to say "You are a big son of a b*" to some.
I also know I'm responsible for the situation I am in. If I had established healthy boundaries from the very beginning, I'm sure my reality would be lighter now. Maybe she would had done her job and I would had finish it by now. Instead I have lots of data to analyse and write. Plus, I have no clue about how I'm going to analyse or write them down. If I could, I would scream right now and say out loud "F* this shit!". I feel like I want to punch everyone too. Since I can't, I just hope to get some sleep and wake up feeling better tomorrow morning.
January was tough. I'm still catching up broken pieces of glass and cutting myself here and there. I don't feel great everyday, but there is an inner knowing that reassures me I'm on the right path. To honour this path, I decided to review here what happened so far this year and why I will be giving myself a time to retreat during the upcoming New Moon (February 4th).
We need a kind of management that is more based on human connection, and which has individual, organisational and public wellbeing as a business goal. Only then we will know how to identify and recruit the best talent. Only then we will have great potential to innovate and be resilient when markets become less stable. Only then we will stop seeing work as a punishment and more like a blessing, a way to fulfil part of our identity as human beings. These are not dreamy ideas, it's all written in the books, so it's time to stop wasting money on rediscovering the wheel and start investing in more transpersonal business strategies.
First of all, I would like to start saying that this post was inspired by Erica's blog and instagram. Erica is the author of weareglamerus.com and she is probably the only Beauty Blogger I follow regularly. And one of the reasons I have been following her is because she reviews drugstore beauty products as well, which are much more purse-friendly and a great start to anyone who doesn't know much about beauty products. Second, this is totally not my usual type of post, but we are in 2019 and it's time for me to open my door a little bit more and talk about other wellbeing-related topics. Beauty is one of those topics and women who have put brains over beauty all their life shouldn't feel ashamed to talk and share about beauty.
So this week I literally rolled up my sleeves and I started working on a project that I believe will have the capacity to generate jobs, promote intergenerational work and organisational age diversity, retrain people, reduce loneliness in old age, and address expat homesickness. To make this possible, I sat down with an old sewing machine, I figured out how to use it and where to sew. I don't know how I did it, but I managed to manifest in reality what I had seen with my mind's eye and I now have a prototype almost finished.
We can still feel bad, and if we do, we really must, but our life is changing. We are growing. We are evolving. We are owning the most sacred version of ourselves.
There are hundreds and hundreds of books about mindfulness. So if you want to start to explore what mindfulness is, where do you start? Good question. My shelf has many books on mindfulness. It's very easy to find new authors publishing on this topic every day in any given book shop. But if you want … Continue reading Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn (Mindfulness Book)