In this blog post I’m sharing with you what I believe to be the most effective way to heal from past relationships.
Lately I have worked with clients who have been dealing with rejection or have decided to heal from a past relationship for good. That gave me the opportunity to reflect upon my own personal experiences and to make a quick search to see what experts usually recommend.
Based on the research I did, I realised that most suggestions invite people to focus on the ‘outside’ rather than the ‘inside’ where the problem is rooted. I came across suggestions such as:
- “do exercise”
- “go out with friends”, or
- “go to the movies”
Despite well-intentioned and positive, these activities are mere bandaids, because they move people’s attention to what is outside of them and therefore they only work as temporary distractions from what’s boiling inside. This might be useful as a starting point, to create some space and distance, but it’s not a strategy to keep in the long-term if you want to heal.
In order to heal, the most effective strategy is to sit down with yourself and face the truth. The truth is that you are hurt and that you feel pain, because what you once knew as reality has drastically changed. The good news is that pain always brings some lesson with it. However, to learn that lesson we really need to sit down and listen to it. We need to get in touch with that space inside of us that aches and ask ourselves what is the meaning of the pain we are going through.
Now I know this is really hard to do, because no one likes to be in pain. That’s why so many of us have some sort of addiction – the role of any addiction is to set us free, even though temporarily, from pain and the need for thoughtful reflection. The only way to heal from the pain and other negative emotions though is to feel them inch by inch. The more you indulge in distractions, the more you postpone the moment in which you will have to face the truth. The downside of that is that… the more you postpone, the more you will suffer later.