- This blog post is about my progress and recovery journey from Binge Eating, an eating disorder characterised by over-consumption of food as a coping mechanism
Two months in Lisbon, two months of recovery from Binge Eating. I don’t know how much weight I have lost, but I do know I have lost a couple of good centimetres. It’s the first time I fully say I’m proud and happy with my achievement, but I really am!
I have been dealing with Binge Eating disorder for many years. I went from morbid obese to plum weight in my teen years, but Binge Eating always stuck with me, because I learnt to use it as a coping mechanism when in stress or emotionally overwhelmed.
Recent years have been pretty stressful and my eating disorder got out of control. I can now also see how even my codependency programming has been related to this issue and how being disconnected from myself has led me to multiple chronic disease symptoms such as fibromyalgia and low-back pain. The common thread being, of course, emotional denial and suppression.
Over the past six months I became aware, nonetheless, of the need to feel and realign myself with my inner truth. I realised I had reached a limit and that I couldn’t continue using food and men to ease the pain of not owning myself. That’s when I started contemplating different life options and made the first decision of returning to Lisbon.
The inner work has continued though. My return was only the first step of many to clear out my way in life. Since I arrived, my priority has been to gain physical strength by eating in a healthier manner and walking a lot. If I stop taking care of my body two days in a row, my back pain comes back to impair me and my mind starts playing old records.
Another priority has been to sit down with my emotions and feelings. Whenever there is some discomfort, I stop to pay attention and I ask myself what is that about. This has been a huge change for me and I believe it is also the major reason why I haven’t had the urge to look for food when in distress. I have faced my inner reality and I have peeling off layers and layers of old codependency programming.
In sum, what I would really like to say in this post is that we can overcome anything we put our mind, body, and spirit into. It’s not easy at all, because it consumes a lot of our energy in the beginning. However, the energy you spend clearing out yourself and your way in life will create space for new and more uplifting energy patterns. As long as you don’t give up on yourself, things will get better.
PS: I never, ever, ever, ever loved myself as much as I do love now and I think that’s very important to any recovery process.