January was tough. I’m still catching up broken pieces of glass and cutting myself here and there. I don’t feel great everyday, but there is an inner knowing that reassures me I’m on the right path. To honour this path, I decided to review here what happened so far this year and why I will be giving myself a time to retreat during the upcoming New Moon (February 4th).
January’s most viewed post at thewellbeingblogger.com was “How To Find Your Life Purpose“. I’m glad that post resonated with so many of you. I believe knowing and following our purpose is one of the most important ingredients of wellbeing. Few things are as good as waking up with determination and a sense of direction in life.
The blog also reached in January the 500 WordPress followers milestone and its highest number of views as well (1.1K). I’m very thankful for your visits, support, and most of all the lessons you have been sharing with me. I feel like I have been growing with you and I lost count of the number of times you have nurtured and supported me when there was no one or nothing else left.
January was also the month in which I fully faced my codependency. I have been doing a lot of shadow work in this matter. I now notice codependent tendencies in my self and in others more quickly. I also consciously choose to step aside and keep myself away from unnecessary drama. If my mom is mad, then it’s her madness not mine. If my mom wants to keep eating unhealthily and smoke, then it’s her choice not mine. It’s her life and her life it’s not mine to control, fix, or take care of.
I have also stood up for myself more often, but there is still a lot to do in that chapter of my life. There are a couple of situations in which I haven’t expressed yet my truth, probably because I want to avoid conflict or because I keep plaguing myself with the idea that I will, somehow, let people down by establishing some harsh rules. It was never so clear, however, that I’m on my own and it’s about time to rise above the mess I have co-created.
This month has also been good to reconnect with my life’s vision and I’m also clearer about the direction I need to go workwise. I keep working on my project and I try hard to remember myself that things take time. I’m also considering going back to Canterbury for two months and move in with G. I have been guided to go back for a short period of time, but I’m not sure yet whether it would be good for both of us to live together. I don’t want to give him any kind of hope, because I know we are only meant to be friends.
I don’t want to stay in Canterbury ad eternum either. I want to get my papers done and start moving. I feel I can start making peace with my academic path now that I stopped denying that the person responsible for guiding me never did a good job at it. When I stopped denying my parents’ poor parenting skills, I also realised it was time to stop pleasing or accepting other people’s bad behaviour. Maybe that’s why I had to come back to Lisbon in the first place. It’s up to me now to get to the finish line, so I can close this book in May. It’s up to me now to own myself in every dimension of life.
There is a lot to process. There is a lot to seal. Seems like it’s a slow rebirth. And this New Moon feels like the right timing to go within, to review my path and make proper new decisions. I will write you next week 😘
PS: This year I want to celebrate the blog’s anniversary – with cake, balloons, and everything! I want to be sparkling shinny by then! Coming soon!