The date is getting closer and, although people say age is just a number, the fact is that our human mind loves breaking down our life line in age milestones. So, doing 19 is not the same as doing 20 years, psychologically speaking. Ages ending in 0 and 5 seem to work as reference points of our progress in life. They have gained social meaning and they may well subconsciously hinder or even condition how we feel about celebrating one more year of life.
How do I feel about turning 30, then? I’m not particularly excited as so many other people my age who post about epic travels, red carpet dresses, or fancy golden balloons. I don’t feel wired to experience any of that. I would say I feel rather calm. Actually, weirdly calm. I feel like I have been leaving my turbulent twenties behind me and I’m looking forward to living a new decade pinched by confidence, self-love, and hard-work. That’s how I feel about turning 30 this week and, oddly enough, I don’t feel I would like it to be any other way.
I don’t have the life, the job, the partner, the house, the car, nor the family of my dreams, but I will surely add here a ‘yet’. My face is rounder than ever, my face is struggling with breakouts like it never did before, and my dysfunctional hormones make me feel uncomfortable. However, I no longer spend my time obsessing over finding the answer to ‘Why?’ or ‘When?’. I think this year has been great to solidify this attitude and to spend more time focused on my sense of worth and on my true life goals. Where I used to spend time and torturing myself to please others, to make everyone else happy, I now put myself first and I protect my energy the best way I know.
I’m confident about the future. I learned to trust on what I envision. I learned that my intuition is always right and that I should follow its pulse. I learned that life gets dramatically out of hand whenever I decide to ignore my inner voice. I learned that although we can do a million things, our soul comes with a predefined plan. You may run away as much as you want from it, but it will get to you one way or another in the form of unbearable loss, disease or pain, until you learn to listen and wait patiently.
I’m entering my 30s more mystical than ever and yet I’m not going to apologise for it. I won’t feel ashamed. I don’t need other people to understand what they can’t see. I don’t need any more validation to know that the universe works in mysterious ways. I no longer will wait to physically know whether we resonate together or not. I no longer will wait for you to behave accordingly to your true colours. I trust myself fully now and your opinion will always remain in second place. You can choose to leave at any time you want, you’re free to do it. Just don’t ask me to be someone other than me.