Who Is The Writer of Your Story?


Humans live on expectations. I have expectations. You have expectations. And, in general, we always think we know what is best for others. There is always a piece of advice ready to be thrown at someone. Most of the times, we don’t need to listen to the full story; our expectations take care of it. We assume, or theorise about, how a story will unfold and we often end up frustrated, upset, feeling even betrayed if the story doesn’t follow the track we had expected. I would say that’s what happened recently with the end of Game of Thrones, and I do have to take my hat off to George Martin, probably one of the most loved and hated fiction writers of our time. He didn’t follow our expectations. He gave his characters the destiny he had always thought of. And yet, we still feel like we want to smack something and release the energy of a 10-year build-up of expectations.

We don’t do anything of this consciously. We might say we are conscious when we do such things, but we are not fully aware of what we are doing. Maybe consciousness is worthless without awareness. Maybe awareness is humanity’s holy grail. Either way, it seems we grow up to be expectants. Expectation comes from the union between ex and spectare, with ex meaning out and spectare meaning to look. Hence, exspectare means to look out for. Later in time though, to expect became synonymous of waiting. I think we can say we wait for something that comes or is outside of us. The problem here is that we don’t wait to see, we wait to confirm what we assumed to be right to happen. Some of us were waiting for Jon to be King and rule the seven kingdoms in Game of Thrones, but that’s not what George Martin had in mind.

The main reason why I take my hat off to George is that he probably couldn’t care less whether his decisions were, or not, well received by the fans of the series. Such attitude might be trivial for you, but I’m sure it’s something that didn’t go unnoticed by people pleasers or people who are always looking outside for answers. These are also the people who probably get the maddest when others don’t conform to their expectations. George Martin, seriously, how could you?! What a waste of time! Actually, it wasn’t a waste of time but a lesson we can all learn from: we can only have a sense of self when we express and voice who we are and what we want. Many of us are afraid of doing so because we don’t want to be rejected and left aside. In other words, we want to feel loved, an experience we associate with being seen, heard, respected and accepted by others. When we are not aware, that’s how we function – we expect rather than live.

We expect that our sense of self will be validated by others if they love us. And we want to be loved so hard by others that we are even willing to sacrifice our own self-respect, self-acceptance, and self-love for it. Love doesn’t work that way though and we know that when we become aware. So I don’t think we really want to be loved… we just wrongly assume that other people’s love means we finally have the right to be. For instances, what happens when others don’t love us? We feel worthless. We feel like we don’t matter. We feel like life has no meaning. We may have the most beautiful dreams and plans to change ourselves and the world, but our actions lose power because we don’t feel we are loved and, most of all, we don’t feel we have the right to be and act as we are. We end up sacrificing our being in the name of expectations, including our own, because we think that’s the only way we can be loved and thus win the right to be.

I’m convinced that my lack of energy, health, and wellbeing has been a consequence of this inhuman way of being and living. In life, we do have to make sacrifices, but we are not supposed to live in sacrifice all the time. George Martin could give us the end we wanted, but then it wouldn’t be his story anymore. It would be our story… not his. I feel I haven’t lived up to my story. I have been disconnected from it, and I’ve rarely asked myself what I truly want. I’ve looked for applauses rather than happiness. I have been afraid of being different. Maybe not totally, but to a great extent. Many women and men have. I have been manipulated and I have manipulated others; that’s how we play the expectations game, a game I don’t want to keep playing.

We all have the right to be. We don’t need to do, be, and think more, or harder, in order to grow, become a better version of ourselves, or simply gain access to the good people’s group. I think this is a common mistake we do once we start being interested in personal growth and development. We assume we need to achieve a set of goals that are already outlined by something or someone outside of ourselves. This is how we become slaves of expectations and how we trap others in the same loop. This is how we learn to say ‘yes’ when we want to say ‘no’. This is how we disconnect from ourselves and how we become used to a life that is empty of meaning. The challenge for me now is to be the writer of my story regardless of what other people want, and to avoid controlling or manipulating other people’s story.

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16 thoughts on “Who Is The Writer of Your Story?

  1. I want to respond to this post but this isn’t the forum for it. Not really. I will say that I agree wholeheartedly with the tone and emotions that you’ve expressed here and would love to chat privately. 😊 My email address is myataylor@me.com. I hope you enjoy your weekend…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve never watched Game of Thrones so it’s been really interesting observing from the sidelines… A strange sense of entitlement has been uncovered within the hive mind that is its followers, and I’ve found it quite bizarre at points. What you’ve said rings true though… If we constantly bow to other people’s expectations then we are but a vessel for them, and not ourselves. Something worth remembering so glad you wrote this post!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Hannah! Thanks a lot for coming by – the TV show may have a few negative aspects but the books are worth reading if you like fiction. I thought it was a bit silly to use the GoT example when I was writing, but that’s how it came to me, haha. Although hard sometimes, it’s really important to be ourselves and not a vessel for someone else as you say. Thank you! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. So glad to see that you are still posting :o) You’ve hit the nail on the head here. This is why women get bolshy and hard to handle as they age – we simply can’t be bothered pleasing everyone else anymore, and simply get stuck into being ourselves – everyone else can hang! It’s a good feeling :o)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Wendy! Sometimes the urge to write comes and I can’t resist, even if it’s the only thing I end up doing in a day, hehe. That’s a really good topic… I have been reading on femininity, feminism, and company, it’s very interesting to observe how it’s still difficult for women to realize and accept that they can have and use ‘male energy’ without having to suppress or get rid of their more ‘female’ nature. I would love to read your thoughts on it! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m the same with writing. I use it to process my thoughts and feelings. When I got complete burnout 7 years ago, often I could do nothing, but i could still write. It’s like breathing… effortless and essential for life. You’ve raised some interesting ideas here. Too much for a comment. I’ll write some blogs about all this and let you know when they get posted. Thanks for asking for more on these topics. I’m often a bit nervous to put it all out there, even though this are the sort of stuff I put in my books. In the meantime, I’ll leave you with a movie quote to contemplate: “Trying to be a man is a waste of a woman”. Stay strong and be gentle on yourself 😊

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Awesome, I will love to read. I think this whole thing of women trying to feel/behave/be like men had its own contribution to my burnout. Only now I’m accepting many female facets of myself… definitely too much for a comment haha. 😊

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  4. I agree that self sacrifice and living according to the expectations of others is very tiring. Pleasing others most of the time is fatiguing in part because it’s not very realistic, as you cannot please everyone! However, if you try, you gradually become exhausted. Remember you have intrinsic value just by being YOU, nothing more and nothing less 🙂 If self development is the aim, it can be healthier not to partake in excessive external pressure by i.e. too much comparing of self with others… Good luck on your healing journey and regaining your energy 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I have never seen Game of Thrones… but I didn’t need to to enjoy this post. You’ve a BRILLIANT way with words. There’s such truth in what you say. I was living somebody else’s story for a long time but the ending to that one could never by Happy Ever After! So now I do my best to write my own story (and let others write their own). Thank you for this read! 😊

    Liked by 1 person

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