In my last blog post, I shared a 4-step process to make a mid-year review. I suggested you to Realign, Reassess, Redesign and Reschedule your goals for this year, and after typing about these four different steps, I opened one my notebooks, the one in which I wrote down my wish-list for 2019. I’ve learned that there is no point in writing and teaching techniques and keep myself at an arms-length from the necessary work on myself. So I sat down in the kitchen and I looked at my goals. I had divided them in three topics: Wellbeing, Work, Relationships, and ‘Crazy Things’.
My 2019’s Wish-list
– lose 20Kgs
– feel strong and pain free
– live with peace in my heart and in my environment
– keep investing my heart in people I truly resonate with
– do work that I love (blog, writing, coaching)
– work remotely
– create more social projects
– do El Camino
– do live talks
When I wrote the blog post, I thought I would be disappointed with myself. I thought I would feel miserable and stuck, mainly because the past six months were full of down moments. However, to my surprise, I realised that I haven’t been that bad. I didn’t lose weight, that’s for sure, but after reaching a very low point in my health I relearned the impact that food has in our body, mind, and spirit, and I managed to reverse my symptoms by 80%. That motivated me to finally finish my diploma in Raw Food Nutrition, which I had started in 2017 and never really made the effort to come back to it since. At the time, things started to go crazier again with my university work and it is also since that year that I haven’t been able to sustainably manage my food addiction. More recently though, I’ve seen myself managing my body pain and levels of energy through food. I’ve seen how my mood is strongly affected by my food addiction, which makes me indulge in sugar and processed food. I’ve seen how I can reduce my cravings by always giving my body the real nutrition it needs instead.
I have also experienced greater peace in my heart and in my environment. I went back and forth, living between England and Portugal over the past few months, but my heart has found more peace in Lisbon, and I have also been feeling happier here somehow. My work goals aren’t fully accomplished yet, but I have definitely been doing what I love: writing on the blog and creating more initiatives to help people heal and grow. I became a Meditation Teacher on the mobile app ‘Insight Timer’, I’m accepting new clients and I’m also developing new tools to support people on their journey towards wellbeing. This has been possible because I’m making peace with my healing and mystical sides or, in other words, I’m accepting myself for who I am. I no longer want to fight with those parts of me that don’t seem too normal or too acceptable. They are also part of me and we do become stuck when we start resisting aspects we don’t want to acknowledge in ourselves.
In terms of relationships, I can also say I have invested my heart in people I truly resonate with and I stopped trying to fit in or please everyone that crosses my way. I have learned that just because someone shows up in your life, it doesn’t mean that the best thing to do is to let that person stay. We don’t have to tolerate insensitivity, anger, or any other kind of toxicity. Love-wise I feel hurt, maybe smashed. Once I only knew love through codependency; now I have to protect myself from other people’s codependency while still working on the loving connection with myself. Some days I feel that creeping anxiety of being alone kicking in, reigniting self-doubt, but then I reconnect. I remind myself that I’m not alone and I never truly was. Once I do this, I feel grounded again and stronger inside. This is, I think, my best accomplishment this year so far: to be able to ground myself and ask for guidance when I feel disturbed for any reason, because bad decisions are more often than not the consequence of my own instability.
Like myself, the blog is also entering in a new stage. My return to everything that involves blogging has been slow but steady. I want to improve the content of the blog and I want to showcase new bloggers who are passionate about wellbeing and its different aspects. I want this blog to become a better platform for wellbeing education and bring awareness to issues such as environmental education and economical sustainability. These are topics I’m not well versed in so I’m opening this house to people who can teach us. With this in mind, tomorrow a new project, called ‘Together For Wellbeing‘ (#TogetherForWellbeing), will kick off here at thewellbeingblogger.com. Its main aim is to bring bloggers together to share what they are most passionate about and how that same passion is also an important piece for the wellbeing of all of us, of our communities, organisations, and the planet Earth as a whole living being.
So yes, I think the change has already started and my goal for this post was to document the passage, to make it official. Perhaps a confirmation for myself that, despite these first six crazy months of 2019, I can’t say that I screwed up or that everything is lost. The pain and the scary moments were necessary for me to learn how to connect with myself, make peace with my sensitivity, overcome my codependency tendencies, and keep the ball rolling. I can’t say I’m happy. I can’t say I’m sad either. I can say however that I’m ok. I’m showing myself more love and kindness, I’m slowly releasing shame and guilt, and I’m also becoming more patient and less impulsive. There are a lot of things I still don’t understand or which don’t make sense to me now, but I’m learning to trust the process. I did a quantum jump and, for the first time, I’m telling myself that it is ok to feel joy about it.