Imagine if I had studied Nutrition, instead of Psychology. Imagine if I had become a psychologist, instead of a coach. Imagine if things between my ex and I had worked out, instead of breaking into one hundred million pieces. Imagine if I had given up on this blog, instead of continuing to write as I felt like it. Imagine if I had silenced my hypersensitivity, my differences and my dreams, instead of gathering the courage to speak my truth. Imagine if I had chosen illness, instead of happiness and wellbeing.
I wanted to be a nutritionist so badly. Then I tried to fit in as a traditional psychologist. I cried, prayed and put myself in the most inglorious positions to have my relationship back. I thought one day this blog would perish, just like all the ones I had had before. I also used to hate myself to the core for being different from the others and more sensitive to everything in life. Self-hate and an intrinsic sense of unworthiness led me eventually to think that I should just man up and keep fighting my way up in academia. I wished I could just enjoy life like everyone else, even if that meant to conforming to a miserable day-to-day experience.
Can you imagine if those prayers had been answered? This is the question I asked myself today and I would like to invite you to use it to think about yourself and your life in general. I am more than sure that life wouldn’t have been better if all my prayers had been answered like I thought I wanted. Most of the time, we think we know what is best for us, but more often than not we end up finding out that we didn’t know anything. I became a big believer of the idea that the universe always knows what is best for us, even when we lash out and rebel against what it is given to us.
Yes, I suffered a lot. I suffered to the point of getting ill. Stressed. Anxious. Depressed. Anxious and stressed again. Overweigh. Sleep deprived. Slightly dement. I also grew and developed myself a lot. I cleared up generational codependency patterns, I learned to respect everyone’s nature, good or bad, and I realised I deserve to be well and happy. This year I changed my psychology a lot. To be more precise, I was forced to, because I couldn’t take any more pain. Am I upset about how the complexity of the journey? No. Today I choose to accept what I can’t change. If something I don’t like happens, I can only embrace it and ask what is the lesson in it, instead of consuming myself with desperation and affliction.
I’m not going to lie and say it has been an easy transition. You know it hasn’t. I have documented so much drama here and also how I slowly have evolved from reacting to life with anger to responding to life with compassion and self-understanding. I can finally kiss myself where it hurts the most and I no longer rely on another person to validate me, amuse me or make me feel better. Those unanswered prayers were blessings in disguise. They brought to surface a more aligned way of being and a more nurturing individual, who can now swim and decide when it’s the time to put both feet on the ground instead of almost drowning amidst the panic of not knowing what to do.
Now that I’m closing down this chapter and starting a new one in my life, I have put together a course based on my experience and what I know best from Psychology. It’s designed to help people find their own Life Purpose and support them throughout their journey thanks to a coaching component that I added to the course. It starts on September 8th and it ends on December 8th. It’s an online training series so you can enrol from anywhere in the world and follow it based on your own schedule. If this is something that interests you, you can find more information about it here.