I recently got back into online dating and today I’m making the conscious decision of stopping it. It’s madness to keep repeating the same negative result over and over again without really trying to understand what is going on. Although I have been told many times that you need to kiss a lot of frogs before finding a prince, I don’t think it is just normal or manageable to have such amount of negative experiences over the last 6 months. So let’s make a list.
September, 2019:
– I met a dutch guy who turned out to be a classic narcissistic
October, 2019:
– I met an austrian guy who never replied back after laughing out loud and having a beer with me
December, 2019:
– I met a portuguese guy who had fallen in love for at least four girls in less than 2 months
January, 2020:
– I talked to another portuguese guy who ended up telling me that things were too intense and he still had things to solve
– I talked to an australian guy who ghosted me
February, 2020:
– I met an italian guy who shifted his behaviour completely, also after laughing out loud and having a beer with me
What do all they have in common? I used the app Tinder. I’m pretty aware of the amount of people who say bad things about Tinder, but I’ve also read stories of people who found a good match in there too. Hence, I’m confused. Not just confused, but hurt. I don’t know why it has been so hard to meet someone decent and to my liking. Are guys on Tinder really just looking for a casual fix? Is online dating the problem? I refuse to go back to think that I’m the problem and that there must be something wrong about me. I don’t want that inner critic bitch back to life!
If I’m allowed to make an observation, I also think that a good amount of people swiping left or right are not really in a good place in their lives. They are looking for free entertainment and potentially a good night of sex which rarely becomes more than that! To be completely honest here: don’t I swipe right and left when I’m simply bored or just can’t sleep? I do look for interesting people but maybe that’s part of the problem too. It’s still free entertainment and definitely not the best place to stand out due to the unknown competing matches. You start losing attentional value as soon as a new match comes in.
The worst part is that these cycles of infatuation followed by almost instant devaluation take a toll on my wellbeing. I no longer generate high hopes and I do my best to keep myself aware of any sort of illusion. I keep myself at bay as much as I can, meaning that I don’t want to jump to conclusions or give into impulses that will lead me nowhere safe. However, I can’t avoid being sad or upset when it happens. I lose energy and focus from the work I need to be doing. Today, for instances, I accomplished very little because I felt I needed closure from yesterday’s date. So that’s why I’m deciding to stay away from online dating. It always sabotages what I cherish the most: inner peace and happiness.
Can’t blame you. My experience has been bad too. Besides all the hackers and scammers, I’m afraid most seemed to be looking solely for superficial and material things: GQ appearance, at least 6 feet tall, $150k plus income, oh, and you must ride a motorcycle- lol
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Oh my, scammers must be even worse! Besides tricking you emotionally, they take your money too! 😅
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Indeed ! Probably some fat guy in a foreign country making up a profile and stealing pics off the Net. They try to get enough personal info to steal your identity
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You’re making the right decision to be honest. All dating apps end up with the exact same experience. I think you summed it up when you said “The worst part is that these cycles of infatuation followed by almost instant devaluation take a toll on my wellbeing,” it’s honestly not worth your wellbeing or time
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Thanks for your feedback! It really helps reinforcing my decision. It’s nice to read other people’s thoughts on it. I will the time to write and read blogs instead! 😄💜
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It’s kool lol 😊
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I gave up online dating quite a while ago. I very much doubt I’d use it again. After my last long term relationship ended I took a long and well deserved break and then started online dating for the first time. I had contact with/dated 50 different guys. Many of them were just conversations online and never went any further. And I suppose I sort of did it as a bit of an experiment to remind me why being single is so wonderful. Not a single one of the guys I had contact with or met was genuine. I used several different sites and they’re all the same.
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Thank you SO MUCH for sharing! It helps understanding it. It’s a shame you got such results and to be honest I’m right behind you. I made sure I unmatched everyone to avoid any temptation. Love will find us! 🌷
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I sooo feel you girl!! After they liked me first, I initiate conversation and they answer with one word answers.. grrrr I find that extremely annoying, I just delete them!!
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I never really chat first – i let them say hi and if they don’t I unmatch them after a while 🙈
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any experience with bumble? or are they all just the same? my conclusions from online dating are: that there are some real sick people out there!
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Oh dear 😄 It’s sad but I can’t avoid laughing. I said to myself several times that the mindset is what counts… but after going back to it some many times, I really have no hope! Who knows though… About bumble 🤔 I tried it a couple of times but I had no interaction on it. How’s it working for you? 💕
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Hmmm, well i’ve been on about 4 dates, and one thing remains constant in my experience, the guys look nothing like their profile pics. So its important that i get to meet them. But no real luck yet.
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Thanks for sharing. Very interesting!
When it comes to online dating, a strong attachment can develop quickly, and that can distort one’s judgment. Whether via the Internet or by some other means, it is unwise to cultivate a close relationship with a person whom one knows very little – 1 Corinthians 15:33
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