I recently got back into online dating and today I’m making the conscious decision of stopping it. It’s madness to keep repeating the same negative result over and over again without really trying to understand what is going on. Although I have been told many times that you need to kiss a lot of frogs before finding a prince, I don’t think it is just normal or manageable to have such amount of negative experiences over the last 6 months. So let’s make a list.
– I met a dutch guy who turned out to be a classic narcissistic
– I met an austrian guy who never replied back after laughing out loud and having a beer with me
– I met a portuguese guy who had fallen in love for at least four girls in less than 2 months
– I talked to another portuguese guy who ended up telling me that things were too intense and he still had things to solve
– I talked to an australian guy who ghosted me
– I met an italian guy who shifted his behaviour completely, also after laughing out loud and having a beer with me
What do all they have in common? I used the app Tinder. I’m pretty aware of the amount of people who say bad things about Tinder, but I’ve also read stories of people who found a good match in there too. Hence, I’m confused. Not just confused, but hurt. I don’t know why it has been so hard to meet someone decent and to my liking. Are guys on Tinder really just looking for a casual fix? Is online dating the problem? I refuse to go back to think that I’m the problem and that there must be something wrong about me. I don’t want that inner critic bitch back to life!
If I’m allowed to make an observation, I also think that a good amount of people swiping left or right are not really in a good place in their lives. They are looking for free entertainment and potentially a good night of sex which rarely becomes more than that! To be completely honest here: don’t I swipe right and left when I’m simply bored or just can’t sleep? I do look for interesting people but maybe that’s part of the problem too. It’s still free entertainment and definitely not the best place to stand out due to the unknown competing matches. You start losing attentional value as soon as a new match comes in.
The worst part is that these cycles of infatuation followed by almost instant devaluation take a toll on my wellbeing. I no longer generate high hopes and I do my best to keep myself aware of any sort of illusion. I keep myself at bay as much as I can, meaning that I don’t want to jump to conclusions or give into impulses that will lead me nowhere safe. However, I can’t avoid being sad or upset when it happens. I lose energy and focus from the work I need to be doing. Today, for instances, I accomplished very little because I felt I needed closure from yesterday’s date. So that’s why I’m deciding to stay away from online dating. It always sabotages what I cherish the most: inner peace and happiness.