A Letter To My Addicted Self

Dear Addicted Self,

I know you have been under a lot of stress. Not for days, weeks, months… but decades of your life. Sometimes you do really do an effort to get rid of all the junk that you carry around, but other times you just don’t have enough strength and you need a kick to keep you going. It’s always just for today. I know. I have been sitting next to you all these years and I haven’t been a good friend to you because I never really stood up and spoke against your distorted strategies to give yourself a little bit of inner peace.

It must be really defeating and frustrating to keep yourself on this loop of addiction. You are far too smart not to know that what you have been doing is harmful and hurtful to yourself. I know you know it, and I also know you would choose a different path if only you had a break from all the turmoil that your life has entailed. I know you would. So with this said please lean on me for a while. Lay your head on my shoulder and let your body sink down. Let yourself rest for a moment knowing that I’m here to protect you.

It has been a long journey. I remember each up and down. I know your strategies. You start small and then the weight on your shoulders keeps increasing to the point you even forget where it started. You just want the pain to go away. The pressure. The heaviness and the fear of not knowing what to do anymore to simply stop it. Just for today, a little bit more of fake comfort. Just for today, because tomorrow you shall rise and put your life back on track. The problem is that it’s never just for today, is it? It’s never that easy.

Your load is heavy. You must know that it would take a giant to manage with little effort the pressure you are under. Everything is loud and noisy. Everything feels tough and harsh. Everything seems to make you fall, right when you’re just about to get up. The greater the pressure, the lower your eyes reach. There are days in which you don’t even see the light of the day, and I know how painful that is to you. At night, you can’t see the northern star either. It’s all pitch black. And I know what pains you the most.

It’s the lack of a helping hand. It’s the mouth that doesn’t move to take you out of that misery. It’s the chandelier that has no light just right when you need some of it to erase the excruciating feeling of being totally blank on the inside and invisible on the outside. What you fear the most is that no one notices the loudness of your pain, which you don’t know how to manage anymore because you lost touch with yourself and with God. You stopped believing that you are not alone and that there is a hidden hand ready to guide you.

Where have you put your faith in? You let it die, didn’t you? I understand. That’s the most logical conclusion a human can make from a materialistic point of view. Why would you remember there are spirits around you, ready to help as you ask, in a world filled with chaos and distortion? Very few people seem to remember. Don’t blame yourself for being disconnected from such reality though. You can remember. You can become a member again of such enlightened group of individuals.

Shake your dirty clothes and raise your achy hands. Lift up your head and let your eyes see the world and yourself from a higher perspective. Embrace your life as the most precious gift. Hold it tight between your hands and move them closer to your heart. You are never alone. You can share your heavy load with those who secretly surround you on a daily basis but you just can’t see them through your physical human eyes. They are there with you, at all times. Talk to them. Ask for strength. Courage, and determination.

Remember who you are and who you have decided to be on this earthly lifetime. Fill your heart with the energy that electrifies your soul and you will move mountains. Rest on your heart. Lean on me.

We’re closer to freedom now. Let’s start today. Right now.

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