Rediscovering Myself After Becoming A Mum

📌 This post is brought to you by Jade Wright, author of the blog MumLifeAndMe. Jade likes to share her journey through motherhood and remind us of the importance of having a sensitive stance toward life.

In this Post:

  1. Stepping into the Motherhood Identity
  2. What I Gave Up
  3. What I Have Been Changing
  4. Shifting My Perception
  5. Concluding Thoughts
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Stepping into the Motherhood Identity

Since first becoming a mum almost eight years ago, I feel as though I’ve lost who I am. It’s not something that happened straight away, it happened slowly over a period of time. Part of me was still there when I just had my first child in 2014, as I was still able, and still had the energy to do the things that made me happy whilst still being a mum. But being a mum of two, and doing the job well, I’ve felt as though I’ve sacrificed myself in the process. 

It’s easy to lose your identity when you become a mum. Motherhood is demanding – physically, emotionally and mentally. Motherhood doesn’t really allow any time for focusing and nurturing your personal identity, and it then becomes easy to let yourself slip away.

On the journey to rediscovering myself, I learned that happiness is not dependent on my kids; yes, they bring love and joy, but happiness comes from within.

What I Gave Up

I gave up my job to be a stay-at-home mum, and while I feel grateful for the privilege, part of me feels a little lost at times; I’ve just felt like ‘mum’ for a long time and not ‘me’. I’d look at myself in the mirror and wouldn’t recognise the person looking back at me. I found myself getting envious of people who had free time to go out for a leisurely meal, go for a run, do some yoga, meditate, take a nap in the middle of the day if they felt like it, and have time to just breathe. I know this won’t last forever, I know it will get better in time, and I could just ‘get through it’ but I feel I need to do something about it now to show my children I can do other things – to be a role model to them as well as being a mum. 

I wanted to be a mum all my life, but being just a mum wasn’t enough. Part of me felt a little less than for feeling this way. I love my children with all my heart, and I’m happy to give them all my energy, but I miss being the person I used to be. The sporty, hard-working, creative me I really want my children to see. If you model these things to your children, they will most likely grow up to be the same. So I started to make some changes.

What I Have Been Changing

I started meditating for 10 minutes before bed each night for around 6 months, hoping to clear my mind and get some guidance on what I’m supposed to do. I knew I needed to exercise and I also needed a creative outlet. I started small and dedicated a bit of time each night to things that make me happy; this included reading, exercising, and meditation and the start of my creative outlet was my new blog, MumLifeandMe. Late-night chores and watching TV turned into late-night blogging, reading and sometimes a bit of exercise. 

Shifting My Perception

On the journey to rediscovering myself, I learned that happiness is not dependent on my kids; yes, they bring love and joy, but happiness comes from within. It’s an inside job. It comes from knowing your true self and loving who you are. 

As I’m spending my free time working on myself and the things that make me happy, some other things take a hit, and that’s often the housework. But writing my blog, reading and exercising fills me more than putting on another load of laundry and emptying the dishwasher for the millionth time, so I just let it go for now. I realise I can’t do it all, but that’s just me. 

Concluding Thoughts

Rediscovering yourself after motherhood takes time, and becoming your true authentic self can take a lifetime. But recognising that means you are halfway there! Just remember, everyone’s journey is different. What I may need may not be what another mother needs. What we can allow time for us to be women with dreams, ideas and talent to give alongside our very important roles as mothers.

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10 Comments

  1. Great topic to bring attention to. There is so much talk about how women’s body changes when becoming mom, but I rarely see anything about all the mental changes. All the “what to expect” stories keep talking about the physical side – weight gain, loss, lack of sleep, and how now the most important is the baby.
    And then we are surprised that so many young moms are struggling, unhappy, or even depressed when they should be happy. I often hear comments that moms are selfish when they want to do something for themselves and for some the only way to get “me time” is to go back to work. I am glad you have found a way to be with you and time for what makes you happy. Happy mom – happy kids 🙂

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    1. Thanks for your comment 😊 I manage it better during term time, but it’s proving difficult during the holidays. 😳 I’ve had similar comments from In-Laws 😒. Mums should be able to take time for themselves. Happy mum, happy baby.

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  2. This is so relatable. I actually have a blog post coming up, on 3 ways to not loose your identity in motherhood. ❤️

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  3. Being a mother does require giving a lot up, unfortunately. And men, still don’t do there equal share, not that the government or our employers have made that easy. Childcare is far too expensive and both parents going part time doesn’t appear to be an option. I know if I became a parent, I’d let my partner keep their career and be a stay at home dad, because that just makes the most sense. Money and status has never really been one of motives in life

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    1. Isa A says:

      Lovely post by Jade! One does loose themselves in motherhood. I think it’s really important nt to get the you back. Because that benefits not only the mother but everyone in the house in the long run. Wish you best for that Jade. Xx
      Isa A. Blogger

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  4. I am a mum to a 3-year old who’ll be turning 4 this year. I have to admit, I’m still on a journey to finding myself again. I have felt lost at times. I try to make time for the things I like and my own interests instead of being a mum only. I want to raise my baby and still be me, doing the stuff I like to do. I’m making time for myself more now. It hasn’t been easy but it’s possible.

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  5. I can absolutely agree that loss of identity is something I and many of the women I’ve worked with over the years have experienced. A similar experience (to a much less extent) happened when I retired. Great information. Thanks for sharing.

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  6. Benny says:

    This is an amazing article. Thank you for sharing Jade’s journey and writing on your platform. It gives such a beautiful insight of what mothers can go through. One expects that the presence of the child will provide all the happiness, but as she puts it in a wonderful, it comes from within. Great read!

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  7. Cassie says:

    Thank you for sharing your story Jade and to you as well Vanessa. I can relate to it so much. My blog also started in my journey back to myself after motherhood. It’s such a strange thing to come to terms with that seems to mostly affect women/ mothers. I applaud your recognition that you needed a change and then putting in the work to regain your identity and well-being. I think it’s sad when people think that a mother trying to embrace all of who she is outside of and inclusive of motherhood as selfish. It’s not. Our kids need us to be happy, content and whole. Bravo.

    ~ Cassie

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  8. Omg I felt so connected to this piece, I’m not sure how I missed it. I feel/have felt all of this as a mom! It’s something I think a lot of moms struggle with but feel shame discussing. I wish that wasn’t the case. How has mediating been helping? I think this 10 minute practice is something I’d like to try

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