When the Way You Love and Seek Love is All Wrong

I always said there had to be something wrong with me because my relationships were pretty much like a storm in the desert. You know what was the speech, right? “No, there is nothing wrong with you, they are the ones who did wrong…”, but now I recognise and I admit that in fact there was something very, very wrong with me. To attract so many unavailable and emotionally abusive men into my life, I have been at least 50% responsible for that to happen. There was never a time in which I probably didn’t act from a place of need, unworthiness, or low self-esteem when already involved with those men.

Continue reading “When the Way You Love and Seek Love is All Wrong”

I’m Sorry Dude, But I’m No Housewife

Have you been single for an awful lot of time and struggling with dating? Join the club! In this post I’m sharing with you my most recent and disappointing “match”.

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I have been single like “forever” because I know what I want and I know how I want to feel in a partnership. At each failed situationship, I have been raising the bar, and that’s probably why I sometimes think it is going to be really hard to find the perfect imperfect person for me – if I ever do.

I recently came across someone who seemed quite “perfect”: a good humoured guy, intelligent, a huge will to become a father at some point, a cute smile, a similar educational background, but… he is again one of those men who can’t show genuine interest in another person. He never tries to know more about my interests, and he never really has a conversation with me – our chats are monologues, where he tells his stories and I simply listen to his narrative.

You may tell me that this might be the “imperfect” part of the equation. I know no one is perfect, including me. However, the way another person makes me feel is very important and I want to feel heard, seen, and cherished. In our conversations this occurs only in one direction and I certainly don’t have the patience to tolerate this from another guy. He is not the first well-educated and self-absorbed guy who comes my way and he was also not the first one making me cry out of the blue thanks to his lack of awareness. Worse than that, he was not the first one pretending that I was not crying in his presence and that he had nothing to apologise for.

And why did I cry?

Well, it was not because I liked him in any form or shape, it was because he started to lash out at me, using, mixing, and messing up things I had said before to force me doing something I didn’t want to do. On top of that, it became clear that he was looking for a housewife, someone who he would be willing to financially support, and who would live to take care of him, his house, and kids. I guess that’s when my wild anarchist spirit kicked in and told me to distance myself from that guy as soon as possible.

I have nothing against housewives. At some point, I would not mind to be one for a little while, but I would like to share that experience with my partner, meaning that he would have to be a househusband at some point too! This guy though was letting me know that he was looking for someone who couldn’t put her career in front of anything else. Ok, I have been focusing on my career and I am experiencing disastrous results because of that, but to get rid of a career, entirely? Seriously?

I’m clearly not his match. My wild anarchist spirit wouldn’t afford to babysit him and thinking about it makes my stomach revolve. I couldn’t even imagine myself giving him the benefit of the doubt, specially not right now when I’m looking forward to build my own brand and start writing about all those crazy, weird, and silly things that a post-post-modern woman goes through in today’s society. It’s unhealthy for a woman or a man solely focus on her or his career… but I find it much worse to be a woman or a man whose principles are so out of fashion.

My little piece of advice for you who has been single for a long while:

Stay true to yourself, keep your light on, and don’t let anyone smash it!

7 Traits of a Highly Sensitive Person

In this blog post I will share with you 7 common traits among highly sensitive people.

Today I came home earlier to run away (again) from dealing with an energy that I can only tolerate for a short while at the moment. This energy is a mix of anger, frustration, and an achy sense that I’m still the odd one out at the age of 29.

I reached out a friend when I arrived home and asked her “Why can’t we be like everyone else?”. There are these moments in which the blessing of sensitivity transforms itself into a really ugly and bad curse. Then all I know is that being a highly sensitive person (HSP) is too hard, too much, and too painful.

Being highly sensitive, we know what people feel, think, and intend without even knowing them. We can feel what others are going through, even if they are standing on the other side of the road and separated from us by a high fence. This happened to me last Saturday: I went to my office so I could record some YouTube videos. As usual, the building was empty. I suddenly started to feel very anxious for no reason. I realised then that the campus was getting crowded, full of students and families. Freshers were settling in and I could sense the anxiety and fear of students and their families. That’s why I was feeling overly anxious too.

The feeling got so intense that I could not record or do any work here on my blog. I packed my stuff, took a foot path to come back home, and spent a few hours working on my energy field until I felt like I was back to “normal”. This is why sometimes the blessing instantly becomes a curse. As you may guess this way of functioning can be very debilitating sometimes. We become overwhelmed and distressed not necessarily because something happens to us, but because it is our very own nature to be in tune with what and who is around us.

 

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I believe HSPs come to this “overwhelming stage” every once in a while because no one taught us how to manage our energy field. I still don’t know how to handle it sometimes and when that happens I think we feel really isolated, because the majority of people do not understand the way we perceive and sense reality, and therefore can not provide us with the right support.

For all this, I thought it would be helpful for me and others to write a little bit more about the traits of HSPs and explain them the best I can. If our differences make us feel weird, we might as well use them to empower us, so here are what I believe to be the seven most important traits of highly sensitive people.

1. We Are Aware of the Invisible

My favourite book, “The Little Prince”, has a passage which says “what is essential is invisible to the eye” and HSPs feel this to be very true. We can tell whenever there is something going wrong with someone because somehow we assimilate, even though unconsciously, certain signs and details that give us a lot of information about others.

2. We Can Read People

We can indeed read people because of what I explained in the previous point – the fact that we are aware of subtle forms of expression allows us to know what other people feel and even think. I believe this has simply to do with our awareness and I also think that anyone can become highly sensitive as long as there is some kind of training of one’s own level of awareness. That’s why people who start meditating or doing yoga often find themselves more sensitive and aware after some practise.

3. We Are Affected by Other People’s Mood

The fact that we have access to subtler forms of information makes us very sensitive to other people’s states and moods. More often than not we do not control this and I believe that the more we, as a society, learn and accept the way HSPs function, the more we can advance in terms of understanding and finding effective ways to use this ability on demand.

4. We Spend a Lot of Time in Our Heads

Most of us are born-observers and we use or learn to use telepathy a lot. There is a giant, complex and unique world inside each HSPs’ head and that’s why we get lost so often. If there is too much stimulation, we also struggle to stop our thoughts and “hypothesis” test in our minds. This is when we need to get out of our mind and get into our body.

5. Loud Noises, Strong Smells and Tastes are a Big No

I was never able to deal with perfumes, something that most women adore. I also always run away from drugstores and any supermarket’s detergent section. Abrupt noises also annoy me a lot and make my ears and head hurt. I think I’m not so affected by strong tastes, but that’s probably because I use food all the time. I’m very sensitive nonetheless to spices and I can have a hard time with even “mild” flavours.

6. The Experience of Being Hungry and Uncomfortable is Magnified

This is so true… the only time that either being hungry or uncomfortable do not bother me much is when I’m doing something I love such as writing this blog post. Right now, I’m hungry, but my wish to write is bigger than the discomfort of starvation. In most cases, however, whenever I’m hungry or uncomfortable I don’t seem to be able to tolerate it. If the problem is being hungry, I easily become “angry”. If the problem is being uncomfortable, the experience in itself becomes very painful and more often than not bruises or aches do follow it.

7. We Feel a Deep Urge For Being Creative

Our thoughts and feelings run so wildly that using creativity is often our favourite way to manage or balance our energy. From creative writing to painting, dancing, or any other form of creative expression, we do enjoy the feeling of expansion that such activities provide us. It is also a way for us to get “out” of our head and be more in our body.

 

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