📌 This post is brought to you by Jade Wright, author of the blog MumLifeAndMe. Jade likes to share her journey through motherhood and remind us of the importance of having a sensitive stance toward life.
In this Post:
- Stepping into the Motherhood Identity
- What I Gave Up
- What I Have Been Changing
- Shifting My Perception
- Concluding Thoughts
Stepping into the Motherhood Identity
Since first becoming a mum almost eight years ago, I feel as though I’ve lost who I am. It’s not something that happened straight away, it happened slowly over a period of time. Part of me was still there when I just had my first child in 2014, as I was still able, and still had the energy to do the things that made me happy whilst still being a mum. But being a mum of two, and doing the job well, I’ve felt as though I’ve sacrificed myself in the process.
It’s easy to lose your identity when you become a mum. Motherhood is demanding – physically, emotionally and mentally. Motherhood doesn’t really allow any time for focusing and nurturing your personal identity, and it then becomes easy to let yourself slip away.
On the journey to rediscovering myself, I learned that happiness is not dependent on my kids; yes, they bring love and joy, but happiness comes from within.
What I Gave Up
I gave up my job to be a stay-at-home mum, and while I feel grateful for the privilege, part of me feels a little lost at times; I’ve just felt like ‘mum’ for a long time and not ‘me’. I’d look at myself in the mirror and wouldn’t recognise the person looking back at me. I found myself getting envious of people who had free time to go out for a leisurely meal, go for a run, do some yoga, meditate, take a nap in the middle of the day if they felt like it, and have time to just breathe. I know this won’t last forever, I know it will get better in time, and I could just ‘get through it’ but I feel I need to do something about it now to show my children I can do other things – to be a role model to them as well as being a mum.
I wanted to be a mum all my life, but being just a mum wasn’t enough. Part of me felt a little less than for feeling this way. I love my children with all my heart, and I’m happy to give them all my energy, but I miss being the person I used to be. The sporty, hard-working, creative me I really want my children to see. If you model these things to your children, they will most likely grow up to be the same. So I started to make some changes.
What I Have Been Changing
I started meditating for 10 minutes before bed each night for around 6 months, hoping to clear my mind and get some guidance on what I’m supposed to do. I knew I needed to exercise and I also needed a creative outlet. I started small and dedicated a bit of time each night to things that make me happy; this included reading, exercising, and meditation and the start of my creative outlet was my new blog, MumLifeandMe. Late-night chores and watching TV turned into late-night blogging, reading and sometimes a bit of exercise.
Shifting My Perception
On the journey to rediscovering myself, I learned that happiness is not dependent on my kids; yes, they bring love and joy, but happiness comes from within. It’s an inside job. It comes from knowing your true self and loving who you are.
As I’m spending my free time working on myself and the things that make me happy, some other things take a hit, and that’s often the housework. But writing my blog, reading and exercising fills me more than putting on another load of laundry and emptying the dishwasher for the millionth time, so I just let it go for now. I realise I can’t do it all, but that’s just me.
Rediscovering yourself after motherhood takes time, and becoming your true authentic self can take a lifetime. But recognising that means you are halfway there! Just remember, everyone’s journey is different. What I may need may not be what another mother needs. What we can allow time for us to be women with dreams, ideas and talent to give alongside our very important roles as mothers.
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