I’m Sorry Dude, But I’m No Housewife

Have you been single for an awful lot of time and struggling with dating? Join the club! In this post I’m sharing with you my most recent and disappointing “match”.

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I have been single like “forever” because I know what I want and I know how I want to feel in a partnership. At each failed situationship, I have been raising the bar, and that’s probably why I sometimes think it is going to be really hard to find the perfect imperfect person for me – if I ever do.

I recently came across someone who seemed quite “perfect”: a good humoured guy, intelligent, a huge will to become a father at some point, a cute smile, a similar educational background, but… he is again one of those men who can’t show genuine interest in another person. He never tries to know more about my interests, and he never really has a conversation with me – our chats are monologues, where he tells his stories and I simply listen to his narrative.

You may tell me that this might be the “imperfect” part of the equation. I know no one is perfect, including me. However, the way another person makes me feel is very important and I want to feel heard, seen, and cherished. In our conversations this occurs only in one direction and I certainly don’t have the patience to tolerate this from another guy. He is not the first well-educated and self-absorbed guy who comes my way and he was also not the first one making me cry out of the blue thanks to his lack of awareness. Worse than that, he was not the first one pretending that I was not crying in his presence and that he had nothing to apologise for.

And why did I cry?

Well, it was not because I liked him in any form or shape, it was because he started to lash out at me, using, mixing, and messing up things I had said before to force me doing something I didn’t want to do. On top of that, it became clear that he was looking for a housewife, someone who he would be willing to financially support, and who would live to take care of him, his house, and kids. I guess that’s when my wild anarchist spirit kicked in and told me to distance myself from that guy as soon as possible.

I have nothing against housewives. At some point, I would not mind to be one for a little while, but I would like to share that experience with my partner, meaning that he would have to be a househusband at some point too! This guy though was letting me know that he was looking for someone who couldn’t put her career in front of anything else. Ok, I have been focusing on my career and I am experiencing disastrous results because of that, but to get rid of a career, entirely? Seriously?

I’m clearly not his match. My wild anarchist spirit wouldn’t afford to babysit him and thinking about it makes my stomach revolve. I couldn’t even imagine myself giving him the benefit of the doubt, specially not right now when I’m looking forward to build my own brand and start writing about all those crazy, weird, and silly things that a post-post-modern woman goes through in today’s society. It’s unhealthy for a woman or a man solely focus on her or his career… but I find it much worse to be a woman or a man whose principles are so out of fashion.

My little piece of advice for you who has been single for a long while:

Stay true to yourself, keep your light on, and don’t let anyone smash it!

Men Who Wait For The Right Woman

If you have been reading me for a while, you probably already know that I am one of those girls who fantasises with meeting the perfect imperfect person to settle down with. I have written quite a few times about not accepting anything else than you deserve and that each woman deserves to be treated like a princess.

I never wrote about men who wait for the right girl though. Actually I have been led over the last couple of years to think otherwise. However, today I found out that this might not be entirely true: some men do seem to wait for the right one and prefer to wait for her instead of indulging in temporary affairs that only satiate their ego but not their soul.

I think I’m still surprised to be honest. It feels so unusual. So rare, you know? I’m still quite intrigued by this man who says that it’s better to only have sex with someone who you are not going to leave first thing in the morning. I already had lost my high hopes of meeting a man with such thought. I don’t mean that men are exclusively driven by sex – after all some women are acting more like that in public too -, but… it’s so comforting to meet a man likes this.

It feels so dreamy. I’m even having goose bumps while writing. Who is this man? What other thoughts does he hold on to? What makes him tick? What sort of woman is he waiting for? What fantasies does he have? And what does it feel like to be him?

Can We Make ‘Dating’ Cool Again?

I already had my quota of dates. Many of them a result of meeting someone on online forums or mobile dating apps (horrible experience so far!). Online dating can be an easier way to make contact with someone nowadays but it certainly has its cons. In fact, I think online dating has become the supersonic version of speed dating. In less than 3 minutes you are asked at least one of the following questions:

  • do you have kids?
  • what’s you job?
  • do you have WhatsApp?

At some point I gave up on online dating. And it doesn’t really have to do with the platform per se: you can develop a deep and interesting connection online. However, what I seem to notice on dating apps is that people automatically engage in some sort of “fast dating script” which makes them look like robots and not at all like human beings.

And what can I say about people’s profiles? If we pay attention to what people write in their profiles we soon conclude that people try to “pre-select” their options in the silliest and more superficial way we can imagine. Here is some of the criteria often used by men:

  • must know how to take care of herself
  • must have a good sense of humour
  • must like to go to the gym, and
  • must like to go out as well as to stay at home watching Netflix

We can also find more about them in their ‘personal’ description, a ‘glimpse’ of their soul and life. You can usually find lines such as:

  • tall and cheeky with a big heart
  • the kid on the photo is not mine
  • here for a good time
  • looking for someone who is fun
  • love confident strong women

And when there is a match, the conversation is also usually the same, like if there is some sort of shared script:

  • hi, how are you?
  • swhat do you do?
  • can we chat on Whatstapp?

Maybe this was entertaining when I was 20 years old, but now I am fed up of reading the same script every time. Conversations run dry after 10 minutes because there is nothing substantial to make a connection. It’s like you either go through a script at the speed of light and you book the guy for a coffee, or the game is over. And more often than not, if you decide to go for a coffee as a result of your speedy and empty chat, you will probably never have a second date.

I think there should be something called ‘slow dating’. I don’t mean that we should go back in time and write long letters to each other, but I think we should at least stop to consider if we are actually making the right decision in matters of dating. Of course that if you want to live in the Dating Rollercoaster Planet and jump from failure to failure, that’s absolutely fine; but why rush everything to just meet a guy and find out later that he doesn’t want anything else than collect another girl’s mobile number?

If there’s something I have learnt about potential dating partners is that if you give too much right away then 1) you will have no time to properly meet the other person, and 2) there will be nothing left to stimulate the other person’s curiosity about you. And another thing I have learnt is that sometimes we are so afraid of being alone and never finding love again that we put ourselves in the fast lane and then end up eating ice-cream from the bucket, because things didn’t go well again.

3 Habits That Will Transform Your Life

Yesterday I started working on my eating and exercising habits. I feel it is time to commit more seriously to myself and ‘run’ those extra miles that I have been avoiding. Plus, I’m craving some sort of life transformation, and is there any better moment than now?

Continue reading “3 Habits That Will Transform Your Life”

Every Woman Deserves To Be Treated Like a Princess

Whatever people may think about the royal wedding of the century (wasn’t it?!), the union between Prince Henry and Meghan Markle has certainly made us rethink a lot of things. There is, of course, a whole buzz about Meghan’s race – I thought race discussions were now overrated by the way – but what I have been particularly enjoying is the discussion around fairy tales.

Now that most women were comfortable with the idea that “there is no such thing as old-fashioned romance”, here comes a delightful story to strongly shake our beliefs and post-modern relationship patterns. The romance between Meghan and Henry is certainly one of a kind but there are a few lessons that we can definitely start applying in our love life:

Only settle for what you deserve

Have you seen how Henry looks at Meghan? He is totally devoted and committed to her. That’s the kind of look we should all aim for, one that is filled with passion… but also tender love.

Choose Happiness over Comfort

How many times do we choose to stay in a relationship just because it is a comfortable situation? The fear of being alone and single is so big in women (I challenge you to say otherwise) that we often prefer to stay with someone that “feels ok” rather than wait for a man who will respect and honour us just like we deserve.

You are worthy of being treated like a princess

I remember to refuse everything related with princes, princesses, and the pink colour, when I was four or five years old. I was definitely raised in a time in which women told one another that they had to be “tuff” and therefore no royal tendencies should be developed . Women now in their 30s and 40s live a huge fight within themselves – they want to have equal rights but they have also distanced themselves so much from their own femininity that they are now in a rollercoaster, juggling between “almost relationships” and red-velvet cupcakes to heal their love frustrations.

Valentine’s Day Plans of A Very Happy Single Woman

Ah! I have already seen tons of those fluffy and red-toned posts about Valentine’s Day – I love them! -, so I decided to make my own little post about how am I going to celebrate such day as… a #VeryHappySingleWoman! By the way can we make this hashtag go viral? Yes?! Please, yes?! 🙂

Now… I am going to confess something that I am really pleased with. Something that I feel really, really, really good about. And what is that? Well, it’s that I have never been so happy by myself or, in other words, I have never been as happy as I am now with the fact that I don’t need to be in a relationship! Honestly! And the reason why I feel so happy about this is because I was a soul always looking for love in the wrong place and getting deeply wounded all of the time. I was always begging for love, because I had none for myself and I kept allowing unhealthy relationships in my life with the hope of finding the love I was looking for.

However, a few months ago – and more specifically when I set myself free from another narcissistic relationship -, something changed in me and I finally understood what it really means to love and respect myself. I finally understand everything they say about you having to love yourself first because if you don’t, you will never find that person that will love you as much as you wish and deserve – you will be instead too busy with those who don’t love you and you will miss those who do!

And I am so happy about being in “this place” right now, where I get to think “is this guy respecting and loving me like I deserve?” before I get myself into any kind of relationship, that I want to create a nice Valentine’s evening for myself and celebrate my grown up “love achievement”. So here are the ingredients of my plan:

French Champagne

I don’t understand anything about champagne. And I also do know little about wine, by the way. BUT this year I want champagne to celebrate this day and I specifically want a French one. Why? Well just because yes or maybe because that’s what I always have seen on movies! F.R.E.N.C.H. champagne: do you have any recommendation?

Strawberries

Cliche, right?! I know, it’s very cliche! BUT I want to have strawberries and coat them with milk chocolate (or maybe dark?)! It’s going to be my dessert, period.

Sushi

I love sushi! And of course I will have it at home! Or should I pack everything and go to the beach by myself? Hum… that’s actually a good idea, weather permitting, so let’s see! BUT I will be having sushi and I already know where am I going to buy it from: Iceland!

What would you add to this plan? I am open to any suggestions! And how are you going to celebrate this day? Let me know and do make use of the hashtag #VeryHappySingleWoman if you want me to look at your stories! 🙂 Follow mine at IG on @work.life.fitness

A Poppy Apparel’s Dress That Will Flatter Every Woman in The New Year

 

I remember all those moments of frustration in dressing rooms trying hard to find something that would fit and also look good regardless of my body shape or size. Often whenever I would find something that I liked it wouldn’t fit and when it did fit it would be probably something that I didn’t really like to see myself on and that I would find terribly horrible.

In those moments, frustration would grow and eventually endure until I give up and end picking up more casual clothes like a blouse and a pair of dark jeans. And even though a blouse and a pair of jeans can make a great success in several occasions, I think women in general will always have that secret desire of looking a little bit more classy, a little bit more chique and a little bit more sexy in special occasions such as Christmas and New Year’s eve.

I personally did spend the last two months looking for something special to wear during Christmas and the New Year’s eve. Now it’s fairly easier to find clothes that fit me but most of the time there is still the problem of find something that is not only attractive to our eyes but also flattering. So thinking about this and to celebrate the fact that I am now Poppy Apparel Ambassador I picked a dress that I know for sure that can and will flatter every woman. And how do I know that? I will explain it to you, but first let me show you ‘the’ dress.

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SAOIRSE BODYCON DRESS by Poppy Apparel £15.23 £22.47

 

Gorgeous, ins’t it?

Now I will explain why this exact dress can flatter every woman. This is usually a great dress shape for women whose body shape is an hourglass, which means that the top and bottom of the body are proportional to each other. If you don’t have such body type though don’t start panicking, because that’s where the dress makes its wonders. Here is why:

The dress is designed to create volume at the top and bottom while accentuating or creating a waist line. Therefore it enhances or creates body curves naturally. But this is not the only reason why this dress is a must have. Take a closer look:

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SAOIRSE BODYCON DRESS by Poppy Apparel 

 

Besides accentuating your feminine body shape, the lace motifs give you a romantic look, while the V-neck grants you a sexy twist without the danger of looking “trashy”. Plus, the bottom of the dress goes just a little bit beyond the knee which makes you look classy and confident.

Another great thing about this Poppy Apparel’s dress is that you can find it up to XXXL size. Yes, that’s right. You read perfectly fine, it’s available in bigger sizes, and now you can also have it with a 10% discount, on top of the website’s sale price. Just go to http://www.poppyapparel.com, search for “Saoirse bodycon dress”, add it to your cart and enter the promotional code “worklifefitness10”. This way you will be able to purchase this exact same dress for only $18 (£13.3).

And you want to know another thing that I love about this dress too? You can use it in several occasions, including at work when paired up with a plain a blazer or at a party when paired up with a black leather jacket.

 

Let me see your New Year’s look or how this dress looks on you – tag me on instagram (@work.life.fitness) and I will surely like and comment your look.